Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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