It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You have to summon your inner elephant
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
