i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
