What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
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The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
whose ass print is on the piano?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
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I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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