Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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