I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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