he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
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So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
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yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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