So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
