Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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