Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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