got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
