I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
