I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
