I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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