Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
