im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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