Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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