Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
