Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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