no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
