fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
