She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
