I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I need moral support for this bender
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
