I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
