it was like his penis was on wheels.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
