Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
