Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Randomize
