Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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