do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
