I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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