quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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