I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
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Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
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Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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