She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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