It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
