it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
