he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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