Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
