Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
farters have to be the big spoon...
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
