She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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