quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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