i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Randomize
