i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
