Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
