TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
