I'm laying in your front yard are you home
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
