i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Randomize
