At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
