Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
We left the knife in your bed.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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