I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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