i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"