i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
splinters make it hard to masturbate
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her