we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
