I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless