I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
