i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
