WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
